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13 October 2013 @ 03:22 am
I posted on here a while ago and got some helpful insight, so thank you for that.

I'm beginning to feel that a lot of my frustration lately is because I haven't been able to talk to the "would have been father" about what I'm going through right now. Also because I'm so curious as to how he's feeling about it now, as we get further from that day.

I feel a lot of anger towards him sometimes, and I think that's just because he was the most involved person in the situation because we kept it mainly between the two of us. But, when I actually think about it, I really am extremely grateful that it was him, out of any guy in the world I could have went through that with. He had kind of freaked out when we had the accident and said things like, "if you get pregnant, I will disappear"... so when I called to tell him we needed to talk, and he said he had a feeling he knew what it was about and he would call me when he was ready, I was EXTREMELY surprised to see his name pop up on my phone half and hour later. Even more surprised how kind and understanding he was about it, and how he encouraged me to call him if I needed anything at all. He did distance himself and take a trip back home to escape for a bit, but even when he was on the trip, he called and checked up. He drove me to our appointment, paid, sat with me in the recovery room, drove me home... when we got to my house, I woke up on my couch with a pillow under my head, a blanket on top of me, a glass of water next to me, and him sitting on the couch across from me. He had a bunch of errands he needed to run that day because his family was coming into town the next day, but he gave that up because he wanted to stay with me until my best friend/roommate got home and to make sure I was ok.

The first day the emotions hit, he was as patient as ever, but the next time he got annoyed and angry... but we talked and solved it. We got distant after that though, and didn't see each other for about 2 months at his going away party, where we said goodbye with a huge hug. It's been almost 3 months since I've seen or talked to him, but we're still "friends".

From what his friends and brother say, he got distant with them after the time of the ordeal (they don't know about the abortion). He spent a lot of time in his room alone with music and wandered off alone a lot more. So I know he was affected.

Anyway, I've had this urge to try to get ahold of him. Maybe email him so he can take it or leave it as he wants. I want to tell him what's going on in my life regarding the whole thing.. and to thank him for how patient and supportive he was. Ask him if he's doing ok... all that.
But I don't know how acceptable that would be... and I don't want to ruin any chance of meeting up in the future, because we had talked about doing that eventually.
I just feel like it would help me so much to talk to him :S
 
 
 
17 December 2012 @ 03:17 pm
I had my medical abortion a few days ago at slightly less than 8 weeks. It was the most painful experience ever in my life. On top of emotional pain, when the second pill was taking effect, I had the most indescribable excruciating pain for more than 6 hours. It almost killed me... I wonder if child birth is even more painful than this... There was just so much pain that I could't even cry... Maybe I should have chosen surgical.

Now that it's been a few days, I feel so different. I feel all alone again with an empty womb. All those pregnant feelings are gone, I don't feel like a mother anymore, I'm myself again... Perhaps it was really those crazy hormones working... Now I'm calm, sad to have lost a child but it was an informed decision made by choice.

I guess what made it easier was the father of my baby was there to hold my hand when I took the first pill. We went through all the possible scenarios the night before and talked about the consequences. At the clinic, he said he'd have taken the pill for me if he could... I was crying in his arms waiting for the first pill. I'm glad he had the opportunity to say goodbye to the baby... A few hours later, I started feeling that the inside of my womb was shredding, it was disintegrating inside, a very uncomfortable feeling. I couldn't move but to lie in bed. He just laid next to me...

Another person that helped me get through this was a friend whom stood by me, listened to me and cooked for me.

It's just been a few days and I'm still in some mild pain. I don't know what the future holds but I hope I can cope and live positively with my choice.
 
 
Current Mood: calmcalm
 
 
 
01 December 2012 @ 02:35 pm
I'm scheduled for an abortion in the next 2 weeks and would like some support... My situation is less than ideal and you may judge me.

Although I'm 32 and make a decent living, I'm single and the baby's father is someone whom I've only spent a weekend with. We met at the hotel where I happened to be. He was a traveling businessman, came to town for the first time and out of courtesy I offered to show him around. When he told me he was married with a kid, I didn't think anything more could happen as I've never seen myself as a home wrecker. But somehow, we had a strong connection and I went along with it. I just thought it would be a weekend romance and I would never see him again so what harm would it do? We were careful, we used condoms but it was passionate. The whole thing felt surreal but wonderful, it was something so much more than just lust. Then we parted, he went to the airport and I went back to my normal life. We decided that we would not stay in touch.

For weeks I embraced that intense passionate feeling and felt good that there were no consequences. I was wrong. Just a few days ago, I knew it wasn't right that my period was late so I bought the test and found out I was pregnant. How could this happen?? The chance for us to have met was one in a million, and for me to get pregnant by this man with protection is one in a billion.

I knew immediately that I can't have this baby. Not that I don't want to be a mother (I love kids), but I don't think I'm able to be a single mom. I will disgrace my family, and bearing a child by a married stranger is probably one of the worst situations any woman can be in. He is thousands of miles away and is only offering financial support. I'm not strong enough to do this alone and just hope that I will not regret this decision. I'm 32 after all, and I've promised myself that I'm responsible for my choice and can't blame myself if I don't ever have children again. I'm very scared. Please help...
 
 
 
30 August 2012 @ 10:24 pm
So I just had my first appointment with Planned Parenthood and it turns out I'm 7 weeks 1 day, just slightly past the deadline for the medical abortion. I was admittedly upset when the lady told me this during my ultrasound, because it was what I wanted. It seemed less invasive, and being in the privacy of your own home surrounded by comfort seemed the better choice. But then I sat down with a nurse who reassured me she'd choose surgical if she were in my situation and reminded me that it was "less than a 10 minute procedure."

I've been stressed out since Monday when I found out I was pregnant (3 positive tests later and me almost not believing it) and it doesn't help that my boyfriend doesn't quite 'get' it. He's very supportive and I'm lucky to death that he doesn't feel the way my parents do about the procedure; but sometimes I feel like it's impossible for anyone else to grasp the situation. And sometimes I feel alone and angry because of it.

I'm not ashamed at ALL, nor do I feel any guilt or am unsure of my decision. But I am really nervous. As nice as the nurse was and all the PP staff, I still don't really know what to expect when I go in for surgery Tuesday. I'm hoping some of you lovely ladies can help me with your experiences.. and advice, to help me not wig out so much.
 
 
Current Mood: stressedstressed
 
 
 
23 May 2012 @ 10:36 am
What do you guys think of Abby Johnson? I kind of feel like her book/story is propaganda. I've volunteered at Planned Parenthood and even as a volunteer it was nothing like that. :-/
 
 
 
17 April 2012 @ 02:51 am

Fighting with boyfriend after abortionCollapse )
 
 
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
 
 
 
 
 
26 March 2012 @ 10:35 am
Pain  
I had my medical abortion Friday and I'm having some weird pain in my pelvis today. It's sharp occasionally but also aching. I don't know how to describe where it is, but it feels like it's in the bones in my pelvic region. Has anyone had this? I've taken four ibuprofen today and it hasn't touched it.
 
 
 
23 March 2012 @ 08:38 pm
I wanted to follow up my post from earlier to let you know how the rest of it went...


Cut for triggering details about a medical abortion.Collapse )
 
 
 
23 March 2012 @ 06:33 pm


This is going to be broad, so I'm going to stick it under a cut....
Read more...Collapse )