i found out almost two weeks ago that i'm pregnant. this is an unwanted pregnancy. i have no desire to have a child. my boyfriend and i have only been together two months. i went to a local clinic, privately owned and operated, last friday and had a horrible experience. i wanted to get local anesthesia and every nurse tried to talk me out of it. apparently, 95% of the patients there get general anesthesia. the thought of being put under terrifies me though. during my ultrasound i was shaking because of how cold it was in the room. the nurse said, "if you can't handle this you're not going to be able to handle local anesthesia. you have to stay completely still or else the doctor could tear your uterus." i then began freaking out. i have anxiety/depression. i started crying and having a panic attack. a few nurses tried to calm me down but then became irritated and just left me alone. they told me that i was not a candidate for local anesthesia and would have to be put under. this made me more anxious. the last nurse i talked to was giving me reasons that i shouldn't be afraid (it's safer to be put under than get in your car every day and drive, etc) and when i still couldn't commit to going into the surgery room she said, "either you go have this operation or go home and have your baby." i was so pissed when she said that. i'm only 5 1/2 weeks pregnant, well six now. it's not like it was a do or die situation. i decided that i couldn't do it that day and rescheduled for this friday.
i have been trying to talk myself into feeling secure about going under but it's hard. i called planned parenthood and they said the local office doesn't even offer general anesthesia. so i made an appointment there for next wednesday. it would be 100 dollars more at planned parenthood.
i wish i could just walk back into that clinic on friday and be put under but i'm scared. on the other hand, what if i freak out while i'm awake during the surgery if i choose local? i am so depressed/anxious about this situation. any advice would be helpful.