?

Log in

 
 
17 December 2012 @ 03:17 pm
post medical abortion  
I had my medical abortion a few days ago at slightly less than 8 weeks. It was the most painful experience ever in my life. On top of emotional pain, when the second pill was taking effect, I had the most indescribable excruciating pain for more than 6 hours. It almost killed me... I wonder if child birth is even more painful than this... There was just so much pain that I could't even cry... Maybe I should have chosen surgical.

Now that it's been a few days, I feel so different. I feel all alone again with an empty womb. All those pregnant feelings are gone, I don't feel like a mother anymore, I'm myself again... Perhaps it was really those crazy hormones working... Now I'm calm, sad to have lost a child but it was an informed decision made by choice.

I guess what made it easier was the father of my baby was there to hold my hand when I took the first pill. We went through all the possible scenarios the night before and talked about the consequences. At the clinic, he said he'd have taken the pill for me if he could... I was crying in his arms waiting for the first pill. I'm glad he had the opportunity to say goodbye to the baby... A few hours later, I started feeling that the inside of my womb was shredding, it was disintegrating inside, a very uncomfortable feeling. I couldn't move but to lie in bed. He just laid next to me...

Another person that helped me get through this was a friend whom stood by me, listened to me and cooked for me.

It's just been a few days and I'm still in some mild pain. I don't know what the future holds but I hope I can cope and live positively with my choice.
 
 
Current Mood: calmcalm
 
 
 
chicklet22: pic#115328554chicklet22 on December 17th, 2012 09:21 am (UTC)
Hey I just read your post. My medical abortion (I'm not sure if u can call it that. I was sixteen and my mother wouldn't give permission so I ordered mifepristone over the internet) was the most painful thing I have ever gone through (and I've donated bone marrow when they stick a giant needle into your hip!)
I can relate to all those feelings. I'm so happy he was there for you! Did they give you pain relief at the clinic?

If I had to do it again I'd go for a surgical abortion!
electric misfit love machineeyelid on December 17th, 2012 04:36 pm (UTC)
I wonder if child birth is even more painful than this...

I've done both, and yeah, as excruciating as medical abortion is, childbirth is worse. But eventually with childbirth you can usually get an epidural, which is nice. You will love that anesthesiologist with a passion.


All those pregnant feelings are gone, I don't feel like a mother anymore, I'm myself again... Perhaps it was really those crazy hormones working...

That often happens! Hormones are really potent. It's amazing how much difference they can make in your mental state.

I'm really glad you had some great people by you to support you. That can make such a difference. It sounds like you are getting back on your feet, which is totally normal. For most women, abortion is not the lifelong trauma is it advertised as being ;) Most women feel better and move on within 1-3 months.
(Deleted comment)
1_inabillion on December 18th, 2012 03:11 am (UTC)
Hey, thanks again.

I feel exactly like what you said, I miss that sick feeling of being pregnant... I feel very empty now, the presence of my baby is gone... It just feels so "different" I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad thing... I'm calm but something is missing....
One thing I know for sure is that this will forever be a part of my life and I will always be tied to the father of my baby emotionally.

All I hope now is to pick up the pieces and move on. I still want a family one day.

Thanks for the support.
bsrikanto on June 10th, 2013 12:32 pm (UTC)

I like your post this is such a help full for me keep going on thanks for posting.