December 17th, 2012

post medical abortion

I had my medical abortion a few days ago at slightly less than 8 weeks. It was the most painful experience ever in my life. On top of emotional pain, when the second pill was taking effect, I had the most indescribable excruciating pain for more than 6 hours. It almost killed me... I wonder if child birth is even more painful than this... There was just so much pain that I could't even cry... Maybe I should have chosen surgical.

Now that it's been a few days, I feel so different. I feel all alone again with an empty womb. All those pregnant feelings are gone, I don't feel like a mother anymore, I'm myself again... Perhaps it was really those crazy hormones working... Now I'm calm, sad to have lost a child but it was an informed decision made by choice.

I guess what made it easier was the father of my baby was there to hold my hand when I took the first pill. We went through all the possible scenarios the night before and talked about the consequences. At the clinic, he said he'd have taken the pill for me if he could... I was crying in his arms waiting for the first pill. I'm glad he had the opportunity to say goodbye to the baby... A few hours later, I started feeling that the inside of my womb was shredding, it was disintegrating inside, a very uncomfortable feeling. I couldn't move but to lie in bed. He just laid next to me...

Another person that helped me get through this was a friend whom stood by me, listened to me and cooked for me.

It's just been a few days and I'm still in some mild pain. I don't know what the future holds but I hope I can cope and live positively with my choice.