serenadasa (serenadasa) wrote in abortioninfo,
serenadasa
serenadasa
abortioninfo

need...someone


Hello everyone. This is going to be very long winded. I don't even know where to begin. At the beginning, I guess.

I've been married for quite a few years. My husband had a vasectomy many years ago. Recently, we seperated for a while, but have decided to get back together. We weren't seperated for that long, but while we were, I had a feeling that I might get involed with somebody, so I started back up on the pill. I had some lying around because I've used it to skip periods for certain events, and such. So I start on the pill using a sunday start, waiting the 7 or so days and all before sex. For about a week and a half I was involved sexually with someone. So, cut to now, a few days before the placebos. My husband and I decide to work things out. I just so happen to notice the other day, my pill packet. Engraved in it, by the manufacturer, is the expiration date.  October of 2010. I started this pack at the end of January/beginning of Feb. That means it's about 3 months past expiration. Fuck. I was in such a hurry to get back on the pill, that I didn't even check this. It was of course in the original packaging (it was a sample from the doctor's office) and stored in a drawer, but still. How could I have been so stupid?
Even though my husband and I have decided to get back together, this is not something that I am going to go through with him. We've decided to let what happened during the seperation be what it was, and just move forward. Even if he would be supportive, I am not comfortable sharing this experience with him, as in having him go with me for the abortion, if there needs to be one. It's my cross to bear now, and it's something I am doing alone, as much as that thought terrifies me. I have absolutely no one in my life I can talk to about this or have go with me, because all of our friends are mutual. My family lives in another state, and also would probably not support me at all once they found out what I did.
I just don't know how I am going to hide it. I do have money stashed that is not "ours" so that's good, because I can't have an abortion showing up on our heath insurance statement.  I am worried about hiding it physically. and just worried about doing it "awake" and "alone". I have an anxiety disorder so as it is, so for me, not going under twilight anesthesia is a VERY daunting thought. I also don't have a high tolerance for pain and cramps. My normal periods sometimes have me out of work for a few days. To be honest, a medication abortion scares the crap out of me. The last thing I want to do is sit through it at home and bleed. Not to mention, I KNOW he would be suspicious of that, because I NEVER use pads, and the amount of blood there would be....it just can't be done that way. So I need a surgical. and I need to do it awake.
I live in Pennsylvania, but I was thinking of driving to NYC to that early options place. I know it could very well be crap, but they claim they are "different" that their procedure is gentler and more relaxing. plus, they say the waiting time in the office in minimal, as in, it's not like a regular clinic where they do it like in an assembly line. Another good thing, because sitting there amongst all those people, I know I'd loose it. They also say that you are right back to your normal self afterwards, would be no problem driving home, etc. I spoke to them on the phone yesterday to find out all the details. I've also seen a few posts on here about them. So I guess that's what I'd do. I know I could say that I am spending the day in the city shopping, or with a friend. I do have a friend in NYC but truthfully we are not close anymore, but it would still work.
I know I don't even know if I am pregnant yet, but I really should have known better, and checked those pills. When I started them, I did feel most of the normal side effects that I am used to getting when I am on the pill, but they weren't as bad as usual. This was a brand of pill I had never been on before, so I just thought I got lucky and it wasn't bothering me as much as some others have. I mean, that could still be the case, but The thing that really scares me is that I could have sworn I saw a bit of cervical mucus one day that was stringy, and could have sworn I felt ovulation pain. When I called my doctor about this she said to ignore it, because mucus when u are on the pill means nothing, and that lots of things can feel like ovulation, etc. So she told me I did not need to get EC. But come to find out these pills were expired....Now don't get me wrong, the mucus wasn't anything like my normal fertile stuff not on the pill, nor was the pain. I definately KNOW when I am ovulating when not on the pill. I also know that expiration dates printed on meds probably aren't an absolute, like, they didn't just BAM go from being perfect on october 31st, to completely useless on November 1st. I tried calling the manufacturer and also the FDA to see if anyone could tell me just how "expired" they were, but of course, no one will give you that info. They just say they don't know, because they have not been tested beyond that point......So here I am. Just looking for support I guess. Just looking to get this out of me. Just need someone to listen.


 


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