Log in

No account? Create an account
23 March 2012 @ 06:33 pm

This is going to be broad, so I'm going to stick it under a cut....

Hi ladies, and maybe even gentlemen,

Okay, I'm going to start by saying that I have a condition called Polly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome and my doctor had informed me that it would be very difficult to become pregnant... Apparently I got pregnant while on the Birth Control Pill, so I suppose she was wrong.

Anyway, yesterday upon waking up my boyfriend had mentioned how big my breasts were getting, and I shrugged it off a little. I had a day off and I figured I would go to Wal Mart before heading over to my moms house to pick up my second home pregnancy test in (three weeks.. better safe than sorry... or something like that) anyway I got to my moms house and expected a false alarm... um no. two pink lines. Those lines POPPED up QUICKLY! I immediately panicked, try to compose myself and went and bought two more tests and sure enough they were also positive.. and one of them indicated that I am 5 plus weeks along.

I have plenty financial instability with four jobs all supply/relief child care related positions, but my boyfriend of 6 years is pretty set... I work four jobs, have $11,000 of school debt left and just bought a car that is $28,000... my insurance is $300 a month and ugh.. lets not forget my mortgage! My boyfriend is about $22,000 in debt and also has the mortgage.. and there is an interesting part ownership situation in the house which makes us want to get out of debt to save for a new house so we can rent out portion of it out, but this is aside from this whole situation...  So in all my significant other and I carry a combined debt of  about $161,000 CND

Here's the problem... Last week I went away on an all-inclusive vacation... While I didn't drink excessively I still drank (at minimum 1 drink a day) the first day I got there I had enough alcohol to get me drunk fairly easily... now after losing 100lbs and being 155lbs I'd consider myself an easy drunk... regardless there was still drinking involved. Then I really thought about my lifestyle choices in the past 5 to 6 weeks and it's a little worse... I'm not by any means a big party animal, and I know all the healthy implications of drug use (I'm a registered Child Youth Worker, I get it), but I did MDMA about 3 weeks ago (the pure form of Ecstasy) It was a small amount, and it was the first time I had in about 5 years.

My boyfriend and I talked about everything and he thinks that I would have caused a lot of damage to the fetus and that I should get an abortion... I also agree. I have been in contact with a clinic and have an appointment booked for an abortion on April 11th, but have not made a final decision. Please, even if you're anti abortion please don't pass judgement on me... You don't even know the amount of stress this is causing me... trust me I would never consider this as an option if my behavior over the past couple weeks wasn't so damaging.

I have had ZERO signs of being pregnant aside from missing my period (which happens ALL the time because of my PCOS), my breasts getting bigger (I had gained weight due to holiday eating, thought nothing of it) and have been tired ( I have four jobs and often work doubles and can be up for 24 hours between shifts)

The truth is I don't want to have an abortion...I don't really believe in it... but seriously if I have already done all of this in the first 5-6 weeks then why take the chance of hindering a childs abilities in this world. I work as a child mental health worker and have seen the impact FASD has on children... I can't live knowing that I could potentially bring another child into this world with such a condition....

Also on personal inabilities to have a child... I JUST got a job in a youth detention centre, my training is NEXT month... they aren't going to want me knowing that I'm pregnant, even if there are human rights laws that say otherwise. I also have the ability to apply for full time position at my contract job in June for Septembers vacancies.. the problem... I would be about 5 months pregnant at in the interview and 7 months when I start and then I would need to be on a mat leave by November and GUESS what?!?! Probationary period ends in DECEMBER!

Seriously,  this is all TERRIBLE timing!

I'm really sorry, I'm really flustered and feeling a little unsupported by my significant other.. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset and thinks abortion is the way... He has zero feeling about any of it.. he claims he just deals with things differently

Rachelleaveittoweaver on March 24th, 2012 12:52 am (UTC)
I definitely understand where you're coming from with the terrible timing :( My boyfriend lost both his jobs a couple months ago and of course I get pregnant after that happens.

You have to do what you feel is right to do and it sounds like you are looking at this very logically.

Sending good thoughts and hugs if you want them your way!

take your pleasures, life is brief.blauereiterin on March 24th, 2012 01:08 am (UTC)
aww so sorry to hear all this :( it does seem like terrible timing and you seem to have thought it through very well! good luck to you!
[LISA] No Ka Oimorning_stand on March 24th, 2012 02:41 am (UTC)
It's a hard decision for anyone to make, no matter what your life circumstances are.

To be honest with you (although I am not a doctor, and this is not medical advice), the activities you did before you found out you were pregnant probably will have no impact on the fetus and the pregnancy, but you should check with a doctor.

I just hope that whatever decision you make, that you feel it is the right one for YOU, not your boyfriend, or your family, or anyone else.
luxuriious on March 25th, 2012 01:48 am (UTC)
I understand your frustration.. It's ridiculous. I had an abortion last summer, and partially regret it, but know it was the right thing.

But with my son, I didn't find out til I was about 10wks, and at the very beginning of my pregnancy, I also did MDMA once, and was drinking/smoking weed, and he's a perfectly fine almost 16 month old now. I think that unless its in true excess, the baby would (hopefully) be fine, but I'm no doctor. if you're in Toronto though, maybe try calling the Motherrisk hotline and asking?

good luck with whatever you decide.
Wombkill_inhibition on March 28th, 2012 09:15 pm (UTC)
I'm late but I wanted to comment.

I also have PCOS. When I got pregnant with my first, I didn't know until I was almost 7 month in. I did a lot of drinking, some recreational drugs, I was about to leave to India and had gotten my travel shots and sunk all my savings into my trip. I wasn't talking to family at the time and the only support I had was my partner, I was living on a friends couch, too.

I had no choice but to cancel my trip and have the baby. Because we really didn't know how far along I was, they couldn't give me a terribly accurate estimate because of all the things I had put my body through while pregnant. Despite all the harmful things I did, my son (now three) came out fine. He has symptoms of slight seizures (his eye twitches and he's totally conscious through the whole 30 seconds it happens) but his dads family has hereditary seizure thing that the doctors have chalked it up to even knowing how my pregnancy went.

I just found out I am pregnant again on Saturday. I moved home last month to save money so my partner and I could buy a house in two years. I have almost no savings (but I have all the baby stuff already from my son) and my partner isn't employed right now. We're guessing I'm about 6-8 weeks along now, and we are going to the doctors tomorrow to check it out. My family is religious and will be very upset, not to mention my sister miscarried in December (but she was married - and acceptable - so it was very hard on all my family). This is terribly timing for me and I'm kind of in the same boat as you where I'm considering abortion, but I'm leaning the other way.

I just wanted to let you know, you're not alone.
vampedgoddess: Factvampedgoddess on January 13th, 2015 01:35 am (UTC)
Fellow PCOS
Yours is probably the first PCOS pregnancy I've seen in any threads. I'd like to message you if that would be okay, I didn't want to send you a message unexpectedly, especially if you might not even be on LJ anyway (so many people aren't these days)