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06 April 2012 @ 10:26 am
Fears, symptoms, and anger.  

I had my medical abortion on the 23rd. I have a few questions. One, I still bleed. Sometimes it stops for like a day and then it's back. Sometimes it's light, then sometimes I'll get a clot. The nurse said some women bleed until they get their next period. Does this sound right?

Secondly, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time last night. I'm on birth control pills now but I am just freaked out and asked him to use a condom as well. And while we were having sex I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. Before I got pregnant, I used to really have a fear of pregnancy, to the point that even if I just did foreplay with someone, I sometimes would take a test. I had finally gotten to a point where I no longer had this fear so strongly and we had sex without condoms with no scares for two years until I found out I was pregnant recently. Is this a normal reaction? Our sex life wasn't great to begin with lately, barely having any(due to my lack of sex drive and desire for him), but now I'm actually scared to have sex. I haven't really enjoyed sex for a while although I did use to..but now it scares me. It also felt really weird and almost painful but not quite...it was weird. Is this normal?

And lastly, I find myself having to justify my choice. I know it's pointless to even argue with Pro Life people but I find myself on Tumblr going to Pro Life people's ask boxes and being borderline rude to them because I am just so angry that there are people out there who have the nerve to judge me for a decision that was really painful for me to make. I'm trying not to do this so much, did anyone else have this reaction? I want to to turn this experience into something positive. I don't know, I feel like I haven't had the time to grieve over this situation. Maybe grief isn't the right emotion to have, but it's the one in the back of my head...I cry a lot randomly lately, seeing babies upsets me, and seeing people who are pregnant upsets me. 

Any advice guys? This community has been so helpful. 

Current Mood: numbnumb
Current Music: Rise Against "The Good Left Undone"
Rachelleaveittoweaver on April 6th, 2012 04:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you for all your advice. Made me feel a lot better :) Is there a directory where I could look for organizations to volunteer for? I don't think they have clinic escorts at any of the clinics around here because the only one that does abortions, has a gate to keep the protestors from standing in front of the door. I would love to share my story with other women and help women through their decisions and the emotions they may or may not have afterwards. I've been blogging about it a lot. That helps. It makes me think that maybe someone out there reads it and feels a little better. Who knows.

That must be really rewarding for you to do that! I would love to do something like that. It's odd, I've always been for reproductive rights but I never was actively vocal about it until now. Now it just feels so much more important to me. I think I'm driving my boyfriend nuts talking about it, but I just feel so passionate about it now.
electric misfit love machineeyelid on April 6th, 2012 04:49 pm (UTC)
It makes me think that maybe someone out there reads it and feels a little better.

I know that many of our members have found it really helpful to read other people's stories, so I definitely think that makes a difference. A lot of times people having abortions feel very alone, even though one out of every three women in the US will have an abortion at some point.

That must be really rewarding for you to do that! I would love to do something like that.

It's not hard at all! If you have local med schools, they likely have a MSFC chapter. Just contact the chapter and offer to speak - that's all I did. Explain why you want to do it so they don't think you're a lifer in disguise or something. They're usually really excited to have speakers ;)

What area are you in? I can probably find local groups for you to participate in if you want to.
Rachelleaveittoweaver on April 6th, 2012 09:03 pm (UTC)
I may have some :) I live in the Capital Region of NY, specifically Clifton Park, but close to the capital of Albany.

Thank you!