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06 April 2012 @ 10:26 am
Fears, symptoms, and anger.  


I had my medical abortion on the 23rd. I have a few questions. One, I still bleed. Sometimes it stops for like a day and then it's back. Sometimes it's light, then sometimes I'll get a clot. The nurse said some women bleed until they get their next period. Does this sound right?

Secondly, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time last night. I'm on birth control pills now but I am just freaked out and asked him to use a condom as well. And while we were having sex I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. Before I got pregnant, I used to really have a fear of pregnancy, to the point that even if I just did foreplay with someone, I sometimes would take a test. I had finally gotten to a point where I no longer had this fear so strongly and we had sex without condoms with no scares for two years until I found out I was pregnant recently. Is this a normal reaction? Our sex life wasn't great to begin with lately, barely having any(due to my lack of sex drive and desire for him), but now I'm actually scared to have sex. I haven't really enjoyed sex for a while although I did use to..but now it scares me. It also felt really weird and almost painful but not quite...it was weird. Is this normal?

And lastly, I find myself having to justify my choice. I know it's pointless to even argue with Pro Life people but I find myself on Tumblr going to Pro Life people's ask boxes and being borderline rude to them because I am just so angry that there are people out there who have the nerve to judge me for a decision that was really painful for me to make. I'm trying not to do this so much, did anyone else have this reaction? I want to to turn this experience into something positive. I don't know, I feel like I haven't had the time to grieve over this situation. Maybe grief isn't the right emotion to have, but it's the one in the back of my head...I cry a lot randomly lately, seeing babies upsets me, and seeing people who are pregnant upsets me. 

Any advice guys? This community has been so helpful. 

 
 
Current Mood: numbnumb
Current Music: Rise Against "The Good Left Undone"
 
 
 
operatic_diva: Art skate staroperatic_diva on June 16th, 2012 12:34 pm (UTC)
I had an abortion a year ago, and I still lose it sometimes seeing babies and pregnant women- my boyfriend has a new baby cousin and I couldn't even be in the same room as his family talking about it. I just wanted to scream about it was unfair and unjust that she could have a baby and I couldn't. I couldn't visit her because she was in the same hospital that I had my abortion, and I knew I'd just snap if I had to face all that at once.

It's ok to be upset, to be mad (I get mad at US politicians as abortion is easy to procure and legal where I live) and to go through a roller coaster of emotions. It's best if you can talk to someone about them, keeping it all boxed up inside is horrible.