Log in

No account? Create an account
17 April 2012 @ 02:51 am

This morning my boyfriend and I got in a fight. I brought up something I read that an anti choice person wrote on Tumblr about how the man should have a say in abortion. I told my boyfriend that this person is an idiot for writing such garbage. He actually disagreed with me. It really really pissed me off. He had never said this opinion before I had my abortion and I always assumed he felt the same way I did?

Is this a stupid thing for me to be mad about? I know it's kind of a matter of opinion. He tried to argue with me that if a woman chooses to have a kid that the guy doesn't want, he has to pay child support. So for some reason, because of this, a man should have a say in if a woman has an abortion or not.

In my opinion, it is my body this fetus is living off of for 9 months. My body that the fetus will come out of. My choice. Am I in the wrong? 

Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Moral Whiplashbkwyrm on April 17th, 2012 12:28 pm (UTC)
No, I don't think you're wrong. Biologically, once a man contributes his sperm, he's done. His choice comes in either deciding to use birth control, or choosing not to have sex. His body isn't involved in the production of a fetus, so he doesn't get a say over whether a woman he's impregnanted carries to term or not.
He doesn't own the body of the woman, or the body of the fetus. If he's disturbed by the idea that a woman can get an abortion without his "permission," well, he'd better go out and get a vasectomy right quick so that there's no accidental pregnancies. Either that, or only date women who solemnly swear that they won't make reproductive choices without his input.
Rachelleaveittoweaver on April 17th, 2012 02:52 pm (UTC)
So glad to see someone agrees with me.

I mean, I guess I can see somewhat where he's coming from with men paying child support for kids they didn't want to begin with but I don't necessarily agree with that either.

Thank you :)
Moral Whiplashbkwyrm on April 17th, 2012 03:30 pm (UTC)
The thing about child support is that it's his kid. If he's all verklempt over the idea of a woman aborting a fetus without his permission (which puts him in total control of her reproductive process, BTW), he should be THRILLED to pay child support to a child. After all, the woman didn't have an abortion, right? WHich is what he wants, apparently.
The real question here is why men want to A) be in control of a woman's reproductive process and decide whether or not she bears a child (because if she's carrying the fetus, and his "say" is the important thing, he's making all the choices) AND B) be able to deny payments to support for an actual, real-life child that he fathered. If someone's pissed off that he doesn't get a "say" in an abortion, what he's really saying is that he's pissed off that a man can't force a woman to have an abortion or bring a pregnancy to term simply because he had an orgasm in her vagina.
electric misfit love machineeyelid on April 17th, 2012 05:06 pm (UTC)
I mean, I guess I can see somewhat where he's coming from with men paying child support for kids they didn't want to begin with but I don't necessarily agree with that either.

That's unfortunate biological reality. For a guy, his physical involvement (and therefore his choices) ends w/the sex. If his body were involved after that, he'd have more choices. The one he should be complaining to is G-d.

Furthermore, child support isn't owed to the mother, it's owed to the child. Frankly, I cannot understand the mindset of a person who would walk away from their own child, leaving the child without a parent (absent an adoption situation, of course, where the child is NOT left without a parent). But even if one were inclined to respect that choice, society has made the decision that a parent - even an unwilling parent - has an obligation to provide financial support for their offspring.

And I'm not really sure why that's so controversial, given that in society, we decide that people need to fund things a lot more offensive than that. For instance, via my taxes, I am paying to support various wars I don't agree with, to pursue a drug war I think is horrific and deplorable, to provide subsidies to gas companies, etc. Compared to that, I don't see the offensiveness of being required to support my own children.

As it happens, women get to make the choices regarding their own bodies, men get to make the choices regarding their own bodies, and when children are born, both parents have responsibilities to those children. I don't really see the problem with that setup.

Edited at 2012-04-17 05:06 pm (UTC)